I just wish it was you

When I’m in my weakest state, drunk and not in control, I wish it was you I can call.

Ask you why it was ok for you. Ask how you could do this to us. To me.

But then I can’t get myself to call or text you because you wouldn’t care. You wouldn’t rush to my side. You won’t want to fix it the way I dream of when I’m my weakest and believe there’s some way we can make it work.

You’re a phone call away but a world away and in a different mind space. You chose life without me and my self respect reminds me at all moments I can’t call you even if that’s the thing every cell in my body wants.

How can I explain it? How much I literally crave for you to be that person that wanted me.

But instead I send thoughts to reddit in hopes it eases my desire

I’m sure someone out there understands. I’m sure someone can tell me I’ve done well not being weak and calling you or texting you