It’s felt like forever

I only want to post these things when I’m not sober. But I also think this is when I’m most honest.

I used to just want to message my ex when drunk but now I realize I don’t even feel that anymore. My subconscious probably doesn’t believe in a future anymore with someone who so suddenly gave me up.

That’s why I don’t want to text him anymore at my weakest. That’s probably why I only rarely dream of him. That’s probably why sometimes it’s a relief even though I want him back so much at the same time.

Idk anymore