Your cults bible

Imagine, if you will, your cult has a holy text. What are some verses from it? Some reference to something that happened in your cult, or some of the values you preach.

An example

"Tretre approached the new God of Death, and said, 'Would it not be funny to feed fecal matter to my brother?' And the new God replied it would. So they prepared a meal of fecal matter, and placed it before the brother, who ate it. And it was funny."