i have a lot of hate

i hate that i went two years seizure free and had one after missing medicine for a few days. i hate that the medicine makes me tired nonstop. i hate that if i don't take the medicine that makes me tired, i'll have a seizure. i hate that i need to drink coffee or celsius to be energized for the full day even when i have 8-10 hours of sleep. i hate that the more i drink it, the more i become numb to it's effects and the less it works. i hate having seizures and the huge tiredness and headache that comes with them. i hate the fact that people can see me having a seizure. i hate the fact that ambulances are so expensive. i hate the confusion and inability to think and answer questions for a solid 30 minutes after a seizure. i hate memory loss issues. i hate forgetting things two seconds after someone tells me. i hate having to study for 1 week something that someone else could study for one night. i hate that i might not be able to do grad or law school because of the memory loss issues. i hate when people bring up how i always forget things. i hate accidentally saying or typing the wrong word and having people either look at me confused or laugh. i hate how sometimes when i'm trying to form a sentence it takes me 10 seconds. i hate having to miss out on basic things like my mom trusting me to drive. and i fucking hate epilepsy.