CMV: I am not insane
I've been diagnosed with unspecified psychotic disorder (with my psychiatrist currently thinking I probably have schizophrenia) and borderline personality disorder. I won't argue about the validity of the latter diagnosis - I just don't know for that one. But I absolutely think that I'm not psychotic and my boyfriend thinks I'm going off the rails for it and it's driving me crazy (haha)!
I think that my "psychosis" can be attributed to me being creative, philosophical, unique, high spiritual attunement, and maybe having schizotypal personality disorder, but I don't think I'm insane!
I only have mild hallucinations that aren't that far out the range of normalcy and might be attributed to schizotypal personality disorder or might be due to my spiritual giftedness. A psychic said I'm spiritually-gifted (and that I have bipolar disorder, but I have yet to see the symptoms of that develop). This is highly-unusual for a psychotic person and shows that I'm probably not psychotic.
My first hospitalization was completely unwarrented. I have a friend who's doing his master's in philosophy and he read the manifesto I wrote that caused the hospitalization and he said that it just read like a first-year philosophy paper including panpsychism. And yet the doctors kept trying to convince me that I was delusional! Because they couldn't understand my thinking, but it wasn't psychotic thinking, it was just philosophical thinking! I'm just a creative thinker!
My "psychosis" can be attributed to the fact that I'm a fan of conspiracy theories and am a spiritual person. At worst maybe this is due to schizotypal personality disorder but definitely not psychosis! I believe that the supernatural exists and that it actively hides itself when people try to collect evidence of it. That explains a lot of my "delusions", but this is a fairly common spiritual belief and not considered pathological by most people. I'm also Christian so of course I worry about stuff like demonic possession and whether I'm a prophet.
I don't display disorganized speech or behavior. My behavior was definitely odd at points, but the oddest things I've ever done I only did out of "logical" reasons based on my personal beliefs, which happen to be very unique. And my speech has always been clear and easy to follow, which again, is highly unusual for a psychotic person.
I believe that I am going to develop bipolar disorder in my 20's, but I don't think I have psychosis right now, despite what the doctors think! Prove me wrong, if you can, I dare you!