Is there anyone here that isn’t dating/ married to a man? And has never been able to make relationships with men work?

Hi there,

I’m a 30f who has been questioning my sexuality for years. Sometimes I feel quite isolated reading this sub cus it seems like most posts are from people in happy loving relationships with men who are just now realizing they’re gay.

I have never been able to be fulfilled or make a relationship with a man work. I’ve had several situationships in my twenties but they all don’t move past that and it usually ends around 6 month to a year..

When I had boy friends in middle or high school , I was always so avoidant of them and it felt like so much work. Most of the time I was really stressed and overthought everything.

I think the reason it’s taken me so long to figure out what my sexuality is , is due to trauma and an avoidant attachment style. There’s a part of me that doesn’t know if my lack of relationship is due to relational trauma or just not being in to men. I am able to recognize attractive men and even get nervous around them. But whenever they express interest I get sooo nervous almost panicky.

I wonder if that is just a fawn response and I actually don’t like them. I do get sad though when things end and have felt heartbreak before so that’s why the cycle starts over again…. Cus surely I would’ve be sad if I was gay ? Ugh it’s so confusing

My last 3 situationships told me they didn’t feel like I really was into them. I guess my only way of knowing for sure is by actually dating women. I have this feeling that it will all make sense once I finally get the courage and take a leap of faith. I have had crushes on girls since I was a child and have had fantasies but felt too inexperienced to try.

Thank for reading if you’ve gotten this far and if anyone else can relate pls let me know