Reiki 3/master level attuned, still don’t feel it/feel confident

I’m a massage therapist and I got into bodywork because I was fascinated by energy work. Years later, I realize I thought energy work was having magical powers and making all your problems go away, rather than sitting with them and truly healing. Well I cognitively understand that now, and through these years I’ve gone thru 4 reiki trainings, level 1 twice, and up through level 3. I have a paper stating I am a reiki master. I offer reiki services on my website. I have sound bowls tuning forks pendulum, all of which I love and feel good, but giving actual reiki- i feel ridiculous. I’ve received it, in fact my teacher for level 2 and 3 is my healer and I KNOW she’s amazing. However I am a very analytical/anxious/overthinker and the few times I’ve had a client come in for reiki, I freeze and go through the motions (they say they feel great after but they could just be being nice) regardless I feel NOTHING. And people always ask “what did you feel”?, and I’ve personally been to practitioners that will give you their intuitive insight as they provide the reiki, but I just don’t understand/feel energy as a practitioner and I want to so bad! I try practicing on myself, my pets, I feel stupid and ridiculous and like I’m playing pretend. I want to be “in tune” so bad but I just feel like im dissociating or playing make believe. It’s not that I don’t believe in it, I just don’t believe in it for me at this point, if that makes sense? I feel like the more I learn and more I try to understand the more distant I feel.. idk.. has anyone ever felt this way? I sometimes wonder if this isn’t supposed to be my life path. I’ve met so many people who say they’ve felt psychic since they were kids and have all these mystical experiences all the time, and that’s not me, however I’ve always WANTED to be psychic and such since I was a kid… now I’m rambling.. if anyone has experienced anything like this or has any wisdom I’d gladly hear it!